Here it seems that everything is forbidden or mandatory

Neil McKinnon, July 2023

When we stay more than one night in any place we like to get an apartment. An apartment gives more space to spread out (and believe me, these compact-looking panniers you see in the bike pictures explode when opened), often a washing machine and a kitchen where we can make breakfast for the few days we are in one place.

We have a large, bright, airy, well-appointed apartment in Ulm. It’s perfect, except for dealing with the owners. Firstly, the ad on booking.com is misleading. It claims, amongst many things, 24-hour reception, on site parking (which we would use for our bikes) and spurious things like hand massage (what?). The reality (which you only find out after you book) is that there is reception only for three hours a day on weekdays only, that there is a “contactless” check in (for our convenience apparently) which requires the completion of seven pages of information (most of which should have been available from the booking.com reservation) and also requires upload of copies of identifying documents and a freaking selfie! By the time you learn all this it is too late to cancel as this property is one of the few that does’t allow cancellation. Oh, but if you want somebody to come and let you in outside of those few weekday hours reception is manned, that would be a €150 fee. And that’s just the start!

Once you get through all of that and get inside the place there are labels and signs everywhere – even the window are labeled (“Window 1”, “Window 2” etc). Many places would have pictures on the walls, adding a little ambiance. Not this place! There are four picture frames with rules and the penalties for infringing the rules. Bring a pet without getting permission (even though they allow pets) – €300 fine. Bring your bike or scooter inside – €300 fine (and they refused to allow our bikes in the parking area so we had to chain them up to the public bike stand outside which was populated with abandoned bikes, none of which moved over the entire weekend). Operate any kind of commercial activity here – €2000 fine! Don’t sort your rubbish properly into the three, no four bins – €100.

I’d love to post some pictures of how nice this place is (and of the quirky shower in the bedroom) but – €2000 fine!

And the kicker: the morning we are leaving at about an hour before the nominated check-out time while we are busy cleaning up and complying with all the check-out rules, somebody lets herself into the place. I assume it was the cleaner. I stood there in just a t-shirt trying to talk with her. She did leave, but really?

And don’t ever get Neil started about the flood of emails that kept coming with rules and instructions!

Ulm is a lovely place for a short break. It’s main tourism claim to fame is having the tallest church in the world with the steeple rising over 160m. Much of the centre of the town is based around the Münster. We’re located quite near to it. We visit the inside, climb up the steeple as far as allowed, which is just to the first level (about 400 steps up) but which still gives great views over the area and then also come back in the evening to attend a service. It’s a Lutheran church, so with the service in German I have no idea what’s going on, but it is nice to sit in peace in what is my favourite part of the church with all the fabulous wooden carvings, listen to the calm and gentle voice of the pastor and other service leaders and listen to the music. Because of my Catholic upbringing I keep expecting a man to come in and take over, but the service is lead by three lovely women.

Beyond the church, the other lovely area in Ulm is the fishermen’s quarter. Once the centre for sailors/tanners/fishermen it is populated with quirky, wonky buildings that have been restored with their quirkiness and wonkiness intact.

And then there’s ice cream. Europe loves ice cream, and while we’ve been doing our bit, we haven’t been eating quite enough. We sit outside at a restaurant that takes up the entire ground floor of the, obviously former, Rathaus (the town hall). Mine looks like a bit of a hot mess, but is ice cream “spaghetti” with chocolate sauce and candied walnuts. Neil’s does look much more traditionally ice creamish.