It’s like we’re obsessed with ice cream!

We are ushered out of Koblenz by William I, first emperor of Germany; this statue (below) was dedicated in 1897 for his role in the unification of Germany – back in the 1870s; not the reunification that happened much more recently.

Koblenz is lovely but then we are pushed away from river and into an unappealing industrial area. We are given a full-frontal of the arse end on the way out, complicated by detours and sporadic bike route signs. As we detour from the river and approach a busy road, we get chatting with a German woman, who’s just out for a nice bike ride and despairs that she will ever get near the river. She goes on her way, reassured she will find the river and her way into town, and we take a path alongside a busy road.

When we finally get out of Koblenz, and make our way back to the water, most of the rest of the day we travel alongside the river, passing through pretty riverside towns. A stop for a cold drink takes us inland from the river to a “Kiosk” – the closest thing to an Australian milk bar (in itself a rare beast) – where we sit in the shade and watch well-dressed people coming from … some kind of event, and heading to … I don’t know; they all cross the road and disappear. First guess is some kind of religious celebration, then I twig that it is probably the end of the school year, so is likely to be a graduation. Most of the young women are wearing tight, long dresses with towering heels; the young men are in suits or dress outfits that probably fit, but just look a bit awkward hanging off their young frames.

A hankering for ice cream takes us on the hunt for an eis cafe as we riding into Andernach. Ice cream for lunch is becoming quite the habit, but what do you do when the temperature is soaring beyond the mid 30s? Tuck into a plate of potatoes and sausages? The problem is, in this semi-touristy little riverside town, there appears to be no ice cream shops!

That’s where Google maps comes to the rescue. I am a big fan of the “near me” search – usually it is “public toilets near me” – and today, “ice cream shop near me” hits pay dirt. There is an ies café only a few hundred metres away that we couldn’t find for looking.

This place has umbrellas (a well-known signal) but doesn’t have the pretty menu, nor does it have the pretty glass bowls. However, it does have a list of the normal breschers, so we order happily and eat our ice cream out of unattractive blue plastic bowls. Who says presentation isn’t important? I feel a bit like a kid at a birthday party, who can’t be trusted with the good bowls.

Can I talk about smoking? And about how much I love Australia’s non-smoking anywhere-near-where-anybody-might-be-eating rules. It is quite the dining spoiler to have somebody swan in, order a meal and light up and an adjacent table, while you are eating. It doesn’t happen inside, but does happen in outdoor areas, and outdoor areas are where you eat and drink in the summertime in Europe. You watch somebody exhale a lungful of smoke and see it waft, not around their smoking faces, but across tables, and towards … usually me or Neil.

The other befuddling thing is watching people who are riding laden bikes, obviously out for a lovely healthy bike-touring holiday, pull over to light up a ciggie. Really? Then cough out a lung or two and set off again?

While we’re enjoying our blue plastic bowls of ice cream today, a fine specimen of German manhood puffs his way through four cigarettes. It doesn’t take long to eat ice cream in 35+ degree heat – it’s a case of eat it before it runs away. Four cigarettes. Sheesh! And then, as we are leaving, and he’s reaching for his cigarette packet again, his lady companion glowers at me with a death stare obviously intended to stop me from racing off with her overweight, unattractive, chain smoking partner. Yikes!

Ice cream seems innocuous, and as if it takes up no room in your belly, but straight after our ice cream lunch, we have to ride up a short, sharp, steep hill. I have a friend who will not eat when out walking if there is any chance of an uphill soon after. I get it. I get it, Annette. Ice cream churning in my belly while I heave myself, my bike and all my worldly possessions up this bloody hill is very, very unpleasant.

The hill and is affects are soon over, and we are back riding a flat trail alongside a road that is itself running alongside the river. Fortunately we cross the road and head back to the river and through a nmber of pretty riverside towns, all of which would have made a far nicer ice cream stop. There’s eis cafés everywhere!

I didn’t know what to expect with Remagen; I think I was imagining a Worms, but instead I get yet another pretty riverside town. Remargen’s main claim to historical fame is the ruins of a bridge – the Ludendorff Bridge, which was a crucial bridge across the Rhien. In the closing days of WW2 American troops captured the bridge, intact. The bridge had been wired for demolition by German engineers, but the wiring failed, the bridge remained intact, and Hitler ordered that those who were charged with guarding the bridge be court martialled and executed. The Germans continued to bombard the bridge, even after its capture, and it eventually collapsed. It was never rebuilt; instead, a peace museum was opened in one of the tower remains. We don’t get to visit the museum; we pass it on the way in, and it is too hot to trudge back later.

We arrive at our hotel too early to check in, which on this hot day is a great tragedy, however, the manager takes pity and lets us it. Although our room is not air conditioned, the inside of the hotel is far, far cooler than the outside, so we can cool down and get ourselves cleaned up in relative comfort.

There’s nothing left but to enjoy a beer beside the river. It’s so nice there we have two! Then we start the hunt for dinner and end up at an Italian restaurant in one of the main squares. The air is heavy, the clouds are dark, the sky is grumbling, and our waiter makes us go inside to eat for fear of the approaching storm. It is stultifying inside! The food is lovely but the air is so hot and heavy that I nearly expire and have to escape outside, leaving Neil to finish his meal alone.

When Neil eventually joins me outside, we hear the strains of “Advance Australia Fair” echoing across the square. The World Cup is following us, and tonight it is Australia vs the USA. We find the bar with the blaring TV and sit down outside with all our friends (ie, nobody) to watch the match. Already it is pear-shaped; Australia has scored an own-goal, leaving the USA in a commanding lead of 1-0.

We are joined by a friendly young local couple, so now we are a massive crowd of four. Everybody wants Australia to win. I mean, of course, right? There are more people inside the bar, but I think every single one of them, plus their dogs and grandmothers, are smoking, so that’s not a place to be.

The storm arrives, but it’s pretty mild with just a bit of rain. The storm on the TV is a bit stronger; with Australia 2-0 down, and no hope of salvation, we head home in a rain break, sorry for the crowds of people who got up so damn early in Melbourne to watch the match at Fed Square.

Stats for today:

• Distance: 47.53kmg
• Climb: 59m
• Average speed: 15.7km/h
• Average temperature: 35C
• Moving time: 3:01:22
• See our ride on Strava

The beer picture

At the end of a day’s ride, our tradition is to enjoy a beer, and to photograph it for posterity. Today’s beer picture was taken at a river side brewery in Remargen. We are in the company of cyclists and their many dogs.

Along the way today:

Click on an image to scroll through the gallery at full size.